You might be asking yourself, why is Party Monkey hosting a New Year's party? There's no time to explain the answer to that question, but instead, we'll waste your time with the following story, which may or may not be fictional, on the making of Party Monkey, or as he's formally known, Mardi Gras Pirate Party Monkey For Mayor. So read on, my children, and you shall learn the secrets behind this beast.
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One day, long, long ago, Charlie and Mandy threw an epic party. They sent out their e-vite and about 25% of the people responded. Party Monkey was one of those. It was probably good that more people didn't respond, because the house ended up pretty full, and, as you'll see later, Party Monkey made his mark. He arrived at around 10:15 or so, so the party wasn't over by any means, but he wasn't the first one there either. Party Monkey values party etiquette.
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Shortly into the evening, Mandy and Party Monkey got into it. You may have been wondering why we call him a pirate. He's not actually a pirate (he'd consider himself a ninja, but that's another story). He lost his eye in this little stabbing that happened on that fateful night. Because he's too cheap to get a glass eye, and too considerate to walk around with a bloody socket showing, he now sports this stylish eye patch.
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Two hours, a roll of toilet paper, and a few handfulls of ice, and Party Monkey was back in the game. He managed to find a guitar, and subsequently wowed the other party goers with his apparent inability to play. It could have been the booze singing, but Party Monkey's no Bob Dylan.
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After serenading us all, Party Monkey settled down onto the couch with a beer. We can't explain the bra.
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Felchy, having spent most of the night in the back room, presumably smoking marijuana cigarettes, or joints, ventured out and took an immediate interest in the now severely intoxicated Party Monkey. From afar, Felchy planned her every move, studying Party Monkey to ensure that everything she wanted would happen.
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After meticulous observation, Felchy made her move. Party Monkey was pleased, but not surprised. After all, Party Monkey is a pimp.
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But what's this? After Felchy finished up with Party Monkey, Kitty felt he needed to have a go for sloppy seconds. After a quick sniff, Kitty was ready for action, and Party Monkey wasn't going to say no.
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It takes a lot to get Party Monkey trashed, but when he gets there, he's off the walls and onto the blinds. He must've been swinging around up here for at least an hour before he tired himself out.
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And tire himself out he did. Party Monkey passed out here on the floor, with his hand conveniently placed on his crotch, and remained until late into the next afternoon. During the night, he wet himself and was defiled by Felchy again, and possibly by Kitty, but we're not sure about that, because we were busy throwing up.
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